Narcissist is just a fancy word for an extremely self-centered person. Narcissism is a sin. A narcissist is so focused on self, there’s no room to consider others as separate individuals with their own thoughts and emotions. This spiritual issue has roots in bitterness, jealousy, and denial; which are also sins. Narcissism is so selfishly intent on getting its own way, that it is willing to gossip, lie, and slander its victim to the point of destroying someone’s life, all for the sake of keeping its reputation intact.
Narcissists destroy their victims, causing immense pain, with no empathy or regard for the lives they ruin, in order to keep up false appearances. Those who are not the chosen victims, are still negatively impacted by the narcissists. They are often completely unaware that they are being cruelly used by the narcissist, for the sole purpose of causing further trauma to the victim. Why don’t they realize this? There are many reasons. The narcissist’s helpers have been deceived: lied to, manipulated, fooled, and tricked into thinking the narcissist is someone completely different than he or she claims to be. A conniving narcissist often fools generations, and thousands of people.
If one grows up in a narcissistic household, the family members are trained to obey the narcissist’s every beck and call. If anyone rocks the boat, they risk a tantrum, and the narcissist will make that person pay. For most, it’s not worth the fear and anxiety. The family members learn to praise and go along with the narcissist, hoping to keep the “peace” and avoid becoming victims themselves. They join the narcissist in finding a scapegoat or two, victims made to look as if they are the problems in the family. But the truth is, the narcissist is projecting, transferring, and placing blame onto the victim in an attempt to hide his or her own inadequacies and ugly, dysfunctional secrets.
Those who aren’t scapegoats, either learn to stay away from the home, or they join hands with the narcissist, hoping to please them to dodge their wrath, and stay under the radar. Though this seems ideal, in a sense, the other family members are victims too. They aren’t allowed to be themselves either. The entire family’s lives are centered around the narcissist. Family members lose their sense of self and find themselves left alone with broken dreams, wondering where their lost years have gone, and why their vivacious personalities have disappeared.
Over the years, victims of narcissism find themselves shackled in chains of rejection, anger, despair, abandonment, fear, anxiety, self-condemnation, guilt, worthlessness, and the isolation that comes with abuse. In addition, victims are plagued by lies that they are have been taught to believe about themselves. The devil convinces them that the lies are true, because he wants to destroy people and relationships. Though these lies are powerful, they can’t even begin to compare to the power and authority given to us through Jesus Christ. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (Jn. 10:10 New International Version).
Prayer, bible reading, and knowing who you are in Christ, is the beginning of the painful battle. But it’s a battle worth fighting, and God promises victory. The bible itself is a weapon, and God prepares us for war. We are not fighting flesh and blood. We are fighting a spiritual battle. Ephesians, chapter 6, outlines God’s battle plan. This topic will be covered in a separate blog post, but you can get a head start by reading your bible and praying to Jesus. Prayer is the most powerful weapon on earth; it goes beyond outer space and into the Heavens where God hears your pleas for help!
I’m just one person, out of many, who has experienced severe pain as if it was a constant, unwanted companion. But, I’m also a child of God who loves Jesus. I have been so blessed to receive the help and validation I so desperately needed. I pursued Jesus, and he pulled me out of the deep dark pit of depression and despair caused by narcissistic abuse.
Pain’s value, is that it helps us to understand compassion. It gives us the ability to empathize, something a narcissist is unable to do (though he or she may be able to pretend). Pain is also part of suffering with Jesus, but it’s temporary, and we get to share in the joys of eternal life with Jesus too! “Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Rom. 8:17).
Jesus knows and cares about how many tears you’ve shed. He cares about the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual pain you’ve endured. The silver lining is that he loves you so much he endured far worse, when he allowed himself to be nailed to the cross for our sins. He died for you, me, narcissists, and everyone else in the whole world. All we need to do is believe on his holy name, and invite him into our hearts. He will erase our sins, wipe away our tears, and take away our pain. One day we will live with him eternally, and we will never remember or experience any pain again!
But what about now? What about the pain we experience on earth? Jesus wants to take care of that too. “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Pet. 5:10). Give your pain to Jesus. He wants to take it from you. He already sacrificed his life for you. Let him take you into his loving arms.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Rev. 21:4 New Living Translation
15 thoughts on “A Narcissist’s Damaging Impact…Hope for the Hurting”
But now I live with complete guilt that I am no contact for the third time but I did write my mother a letter stating I would like to get therapy together. No response. I live with sadness for my mother and however she became a narcissist.
I’m so sorry for your deep-seated pain, and your need to go no-contact, which unfortunately is a very necessary boundary. I know it hurts, but it will get better as you heal, and you will heal when you allow distance between yourself and the narcissist who has abused you. When the contact starts over, your healing starts over; until God heals you completely to where it no longer has an effect on you. This can take a long, long time; and unless a narcissist truly repents, contact is not usually an option if you want to have a happy, healthy, productive life. Your healing comes first and foremost. Only then can you become everything you are meant to be in Christ Jesus.
One thing that can help is knowing that guilt does not come from God. It nags and condemns and causes anxiety. None of these are from God, but the devil will have a field day with your emotions. Renounce the guilt in Jesus’ name. Ask God to fill you with His Holy Spirit. Ask God to break your stronghold of guilt, and ask Him to help you see yourself as He says you; without shame or condemnation. Forgive your mom, in the name of Jesus, and release her to him. I suggest you read Romans 28 to strengthen you and give you courage. You also went above and beyond and requested therapy, yet received no answer. Start with seeing a Christian counselor gifted in wisdom and discernment; and spiritual warfare. It’s very important to seek therapy by yourself, at least initially, because it is here; where God will reveal many things to you that you never understood.
I invite you to subscribe to my blog and click on the topic: narcissism. You will find more information on this self-centered, damaging spirit; and more posts will be added. You can also join my Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/angelaslittleattic, so that you won’t miss a post. Additionally, I share posts on Facebook by other Christian authors gifted in helping others heal and find freedom in Jesus Christ. Here is an article for you to read that may help you as you go through no-contact. It is called 12 Steps to Forgiveness with Boundaries, at https://angelaslittleattic.com/2016/01/01/12-Steps-to-forgiveness-with-boundaries/.
It helps victims to escape victimhood, by helping them to forgive their abusers, while releasing them to heal, and go on to live their lives in freedom and joy, as God meant for them to do! If you need someone to talk to, or would like more info on the topic of narcissism, please message me on Facebook, or write me here at The Silver Lining. I’ll be happy to talk to you, listen, and pray for you. I will be praying for you, Jamie, in the name of Jesus! 💙🙏🏼
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply such comforting words. I liked your page on Facebook and will read the article. Blessings
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I forgot to mention my insurance will start May 1st and I will look for a Christian therapist
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Jamie, blessings to you also! I am so happy that your insurance starts on May 1st, so you can find a Christian therapist. Also you can look into your local churches. Many offer counseling for free. I will be praying that God directs you to someone wise and compassionate, who can guide you and help you battle against the lies, in Jesus’ name! Let me know if you have any questions; I’m privileged to serve Jesus by ministering to my sisters and brothers in Christ! 💙
Hi Angela.. today was a very bad day. someone was mentally abusive…and this has been going on for a long time where I work, I finally quit the place I was working for today. I was greatly comforted by the words I read in your blog yesterday.”We are not what people say we are but who Jesus says we are. These words came in to me today and comforted me. thank you dear friend..
Rita, I am so sorry! It’s hard to believe someone who be so cruel to someone with such a beautiful soul like you! But it happens, because we live in a fallen world. I am so grateful that God has given me words to comfort you, and I am so glad you are done with that abusive environment. Even though the abused shouldn’t have to pay for the evil deeds of another, it’s usually best for our emotional health just to get out while we can. And God already knows about it and, ” ‘I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘Plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’ ” Rita, it looks like God has something better for you! I can’t wait to hear what it is, and I am here for you, my friend! 💙🙏🏼😊
I once lived with a narcissistic family member, who wanted me at every beck and call, or else it was a scary world. I just thought as a young girl it was dictatorship, now I can add one more term. Soul get bruised by such human beings who deeply wound tender beings. Only the Lord can give true freedom from every wound and hurts. LORD gives us wings to fly high towards Heaven in prayer and supplication. Christian Living gives us the very hope that one day Jesus will come back at the King of Kings and take us with Him to a place where there will be no more tears. Amen
Amen, Diana! I’m so sorry for your bruises and wounds; I know them well. You’ve said so beautifully the words which express our hope in Christ, and the paradise promised one day to those who believe in him. It’s not God’s will for His children’s spirits to be trampled, but Jesus does indeed save our souls, and I’m so thankful that I am going one day to Heaven, with my family and friends, where there are no more tears! 💙
Hi Angels, we have a daughter who definitely has a narcissistic disorder and you are correct, there has been much pain, which still continues to this day. Terrible terrible utterances have come out of her mouth and she has now isolated herself from her twin brother, three other siblings and of course, us, her parents. She claims to have a “special” revelation from God yet her words and actions defy everything that God stands for. Yes, she is constantly held up in prayer. Hard hard years. I’ve seen our Lord do miracles before, my prayer is that He will do so again. Thank you for your insights. Worthy is the Lamb. Blessings.
Bruce, I am very sorry for your family’s pain. I will be praying for God’s will to be done in your family, and for His miraculous healing. I really do pray for my readers, and I value each and every soul here. If you click on blog posts, and then go to the topic narcissism, you will find more related posts. I have another couple coming over the next two weeks, and I pray you get a little more info each time. Narcissism is a spiritual issue of deep self-centeredness. It comes about from the desire to protect oneself from pain, but it becomes so intense the narcissist builds walls to avoid feeling any negative emotions and is then unable to feel or develop, empathy for others. Self-centered narcissistic personalities pretend, or fake their emotions, and use deceit to gain attention, or narcissistic supply, which destroys the lives of many in the narcissist’s path. Narcissism is thought to stem from a tramautic event from childhood, stunting the emotional growth, so that the narcissistic child’s emotional maturity ends at the age when the painful event occurred. However, this is by no means an excuse for a self-centered, narcissistic individual to continue the pattern of pain and trauma by heaping abuse onto an innocent victim; or scapegoat. Bullying, lying, manipulation, deceit, control, and jealousy play a major role in the life of a narcissist. I would pray against these spirits in the name of Jesus, asking God to break any generational sins and curses that have resulted in narcissism. Ask God for His divine protection; and to remove the effects of narcissism from your family. Forgive your daughter in Jesus’name, and ask The Holy Spirit to bring any family member who does not know Jesus, to a point of conviction and true repentance. Some narcissists pretend to be Christians, which can cause confusion for all those involved. This is why I’m constantly asking The Holy Spirit to reveal the truth in God’s timing. As Christians, just like Jesus, it is our hope that all will come to the cross and be saved, and that none will perish. I hope this gives you some peace. NEVER give up on God. Continue to pursue Jesus, and ask God to reveal the truth, in Jesus name. 💙
Make that Angela vice Angels …. amazing what one wrong character can do. 🙂
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I’ll take it! My name means Angel, which is Heavenly Messenger. I thank God for giving me this privilege! 😊
Angela, I know many will be encouraged and helped through your godly knowledge of this subject. Thank you for addressing this much-needed issue. I have passed it along to those I feel will benefit.
Blessings to you and your family!