I’m tired, way past fatigue, and extended beyond exhaustion. I’ve barely been able to write. I am a regrettably a year behind in answering messages and replying to comments, and I’ve only written a few posts. But, I always post on Easter; my late husband’s favorite holiday and mine, so I’m giving it a go…
Living after losing my husband a little over a year ago is really hard; emotionally, physically, mentally, and sometimes spiritually. My children: two young adults and a teenager, are absolutely wiped out, as well. My health has declined, my to do list has grown, and I can barely get out to see my wonderful friends who have been here for me. How are we making it through grief? One. Day. At. A. Time… with Jesus.
My family members are each on their own spiritual journeys. I know more about Jesus than they do, and that’s okay. But what about people who don’t know Jesus at all? People who have never even met him? If grief is so hard for us, how in the world can someone cope with the death of a loved one without hope in Jesus Christ?
When you realize, and it really starts to sink in, that you will never ever again see your loved one; it’s well… horrific. But even though I will have to wait for I don’t know how many years to see my husband, I will see my him again in Heaven. That is what keeps me going… Jesus keeps me going.
My husband Dave’s legacy is Strength Through Jesus. He lived it every day that he was dying of cancer. I’m so grateful, because I chose to also put my full trust in God. It was then that I discovered what strength through Jesus really is.
It’s receiving supernatural strength to do the impossible: be a caretaker through the crisis of cancer, watch a loved one die, plan a loved one’s memorial service and honor them with burial. It’s living each and every day when death has come to your family, and watching over your family to make sure they are okay. It’s asking yourself if you are okay, because you’re so busy taking care of everything and everyone; that you realize it’s time to take care of yourself.
Strength through Jesus helps you when you’re dying inside; when your body hurts so bad from all the hardship that you wonder if you are dying too. It’s when you feel like dying would be better for you too, but you love the ones who are living so very, very much, that you don’t want to die; and a still, small voice tells you that you’re not alone.
Because really, every day that we are living, we are dying. Only God knows the appointed time. Just like my husband was living while dying of cancer, Jesus was living while facing his impending death on the cross. Jesus died for the sins of the entire world, but was resurrected to life on the third day. He died for us, so that when it’s our turn to die, we can be resurrected to life too!
Here lies my hope and comfort. Though my life has changed so much, and is more difficult than I ever imagined, I am going to see Jesus and my husband in Heaven some day. In reality, we’re not really living until we die; because that’s when our beautiful, perfect eternal life begins!
It’s never going to be perfect here on earth, and it will be far from it. As someone who likes things to be nice and perfect and beautiful; my life’s just not that way. But it will be… someday!
When I feel really low, I have to remind myself to set my eyes upon Jesus, because I’m only going to really start living when I go to be with him. For now, I can be grateful for the joys I do have here on earth. I can thank God for His good and great gifts, of which there are many.
I like to look up at the sky; be it sunrise, sunset, stars or moon… and just talk to God up there. I talk to Dave up there too, and I tell him I love him, and I’ll see him soon when it’s my time.
It’s a sad time right now, but the silver lining is that there’s joy too. That’s why this Easter, I’m celebrating the fact that though I’ve lost my beloved husband on earth, I will absolutely find him again in Heaven! I will only be able to do this, because at the age of five, I chose to ask Jesus to forgive my sins. I said yes to receiving Jesus’ greatest gift of eternal life.
If you feel hopeless today, because of loss or depression, I pray you will ask Jesus to come into your heart. Let Jesus be your strength to get you through each and every day. Because of Jesus, I can wish you what I will have… a Happy Easter!
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Col. 3: 1-4 NIV).
Related:
Posts about Grief
Posts about Easter
Posts about God’s Sky
Posts about Eternal Life
The Silver Lining 
Beautiful post, Angela, of both spoken and unspoken words. God’s peace, grace and blessings to you and yours this Easter. Christ is risen indeed!
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