Gossip, Lies, and Slander? No worries! God has Your Back!

by Angela Royse Pelleman

The bible tells us we shouldn’t be concerned when others gossip about us.  When others slander us behind our backs, telling lies, it’s so good to know that God has our back!  We can trust in Him completely, because He is Truth, and it will eventually come out.  Those who belong to the Lord don’t have to be discouraged, because when people slander you for walking in truth, you will be set free.  The bible says you will be blessed for it.  “Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.  Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you”  (Matthew 5:10-12 New American Standard).

One day, I sat down specifically looking for bible verses that prove God protects us from slanderous lies.  Immediately, I discovered an email from a spiritual sister who does prayer drawings each day.  She draws, while praying, and then writes her devotion based on the image God has provided.  I opened my email that day to find the perfect verse sitting in front of me:  “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.  Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them.  Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.  For I am the Lord, you God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you’ ” (Isaiah 41: 11-13 New International Version).

My spiritual sister had been given a drawing of a jester; her devotion was about fools, and how we are not to contend with them.  God has a sense of humor, and confirmed His message, when a co-worker showed up at her door in a silly jester hat she had just made.  Bells and all, she modeled it from the doorway, as my spiritual sister finalized her devotion!  My sister had even prayed her message would reach “someone specific” that day, and that it would be verified.  I was that “someone specific”.  The devotion’s message contained a warning; contending with foolish people robs us of our peace.  God wants us to have peace.  I’m so excited about the freedom that this brings!  This knowledge takes all kinds of stress off my plate!  It means I don’t have to do anything at all, except to trust in my Father God to take care of it for me.

If you are anything like me, your first reaction to gossip, lies, and slander, is to defend yourself.  I used to jump to this immediately.  “Lie about me?  I’m going to set you straight!  I’m going to email you right back and tell you like it really is.  Then, I’m going to call all my friends and family members and tell them what you just did to me, and make sure they know the truth!  How could you do this?  It needs to be fixed…right now!”  No, it doesn’t.  Yes, your name is out there.  Yes they are talking about you.  Lies are told, and your name is being slandered.  The bible itself says, “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends”  (Proverbs 16:28).

Perhaps God is allowing this trial, because someone along the way needs to learn a simple lesson: If someone is gossiping to you, then they are gossiping about you.  Everyone gets hurt at some point, and we are all blind until God opens our eyes.  Perhaps healing is needed in someone else’s life, and God has given you the strength to handle it.   Perhaps you need growth in this area yourself.  Sometimes a few hearts get broken along the way. God offers a wealth of advice and warnings throughout the book of Proverbs, in order to help us avoid getting involved in some of these situations.  When things are not our fault, we can take comfort in the fact that God will take care of it at just the right time.

You can get all worked up about it, and lose sleep over losing friends, or you can turn it all over to the Lord, and let Him take care of it all in His perfect timing.  It may be that He’s filtering out “friends” who do not know how valuable you are to God, or “friends” that are unhealthy for you.  Perhaps some of these people are not your “friends” at all.  God may be doing His work through some of these people and you, to accomplish a higher purpose for His glory.  He will not leave you behind while doing this.  He will lavish you with blessings.

Jesus was insulted, spat upon, beaten, and ultimately killed.  He did not deserve it, but he accepted God’s will, because he knew it would give us a chance to be saved.  He loved us that much.  Can we do the same? Even though people sinned and treated him terribly, he overlooked his mistreatment, and still loved, healed and prayed for all sinners.  That means you and me.  “And Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ And they cast lots to divide his garments” (Luke 23:34 English Standard Version).

When you are slandered, follow God.  God gives boundaries.  Boundaries protect our well -being.  We should pray for people who hurt us, and love them in a Christ-like manner, but we do not have to accept or tolerate behavior that is bad or abusive. “Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul” (Proverbs 22:24-25 New Living Translation).  People who lie and gossip are angry.  Get away from them, before you become trapped in their webs.  “But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard, or swindler.  Do not even eat with such people” (1 Corinthians 5:11). It’s clear that it is acceptable not to communicate with people who slander you.  This is not unforgiveness. In fact, it is obedience to God, and He will protect you and bless you for it.

Jesus also used silence as a boundary.  He knew that his Father, God, would take care of him:  “Then Pilate asked him, ‘Aren’t you going to answer?  See how many things they are accusing you of.’  But Jesus still made no reply, and Pilate was amazed” (Mark 15: 4-5 NIV).  You are not obligated to answer questions involving slander.  It gives you more free time, and it is liberating for your spirit when you realize you don’t have to do anything at all, except leave it to God!   The bible says so!  “The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent” (Exodus 14:14 ESV).  I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a pretty good deal to me!  “You sit and speak against your brother; you slander your own mother’s son.  These things you have done, and I have been silent; you thought that I was one like yourself.  But now I rebuke you and lay the charge before you” (Psalms 50: 20-21 ESV).  Jesus knows all about it.  That’s because he went through it too.

God gives many opportunities for people to ask forgiveness for sin and to truly repent.  “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful ad effective” (James 5:16 NIV).  The bible gives clear instructions on how the church is to deal with unrepentant hearts.  The book of Matthew, chapter 18, clearly outlines what should be done.  Until then, boundaries must remain in place.

When there is true repentance for slander, lies, and gossip, there comes a change within a person, a desire to be more like Jesus.  It is possible for a person to change, and turn her life around.  Until God shows you without a doubt, that a person has repented of slanderous behavior and is now living life with a true, Godly change of heart, as difficult as it may be, do not remove the boundary.  “Do not move the ancient boundary which your fathers have set” (Proverbs 22:28 NAS).  Take comfort in the fact that God is the ultimate boundary, and He’s in charge.  All we have to do is follow Him.

A 33-year-old drawing created by Angela when she was in sixth grade. The blonde girl in the foreground is observing three girls in the background. Sadly, two girls are gossiping about the third girl behind her back.

© 2014 Angela Royse Pelleman – The Silver Lining

14 thoughts on “Gossip, Lies, and Slander? No worries! God has Your Back!

    • Angela Royse Pelleman says:

      Beckie, I am so sorry for your pain, but I am so pleased that you have found comfort here at The Silver Lining! Three years ago God established within me a desire to use my words to help others, so that my pain would not be in vain, and could instead be used to glorify His Great Name! God is giving my family, and me, many ideas; so I’m taking them a step at a time! For now, I’d like you to know that my homepage displays specific related topics, such as: narcissism (extreme self-centered abuse which involves slander, gossip, lies, manipulation, and control) abuse, rejection, abuse, freedom, spiritual abuse and more. My tag search involves typing any word in which you are interested, such as “family, “strife,” “betrayal, “Christmas,” “grandparents,” and even “biscuits,” and “Italy!” Please be patient with me as we go back through the blog; add tags, revise, and reorganize past posts. We have some exciting things up ahead; because God has laid some joyful things upon my heart to share on the blog. Currently, for your husband and yourself, I suggest looking under the topic: narcissism, which goes into some depth about family dysfunction. More posts will be added! You might discover you feel surprise, anger,and relief…all at once! Please feel free to contact me at this blog, or on my Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/angelaslittleattic with any questions, comments, or suggestions. On Facebook, you can also post “the silver lining” experiences God has given to you, because I look forward to reading and sharing stories from my readers, whom I cherish and appreciate. God bless you, Beckie, in Jesus’ name! To encourage you now, I leave you with this gem of wisdom: One thing God has taught me, is when people are treating you the worst, God is actually protecting you; and He is closer to you than the air you breathe! 💙

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    • Angela Royse Pelleman says:

      Cherilyn, YES! It’s just too much to try and keep track of it all! It would be impossible to find all the people a narcissist lied to, and then attempt to set the record straight! It would be absolutely exhausting! I’d rather spend my time joyously trusting in God for Him to work it all out for my benefit and His Great Glory! Anyone who does not even care enough to ask for the side of the one gossiped about, certainly does NOT care enough about about me! I don’t need to spend a second of my life trying to prove myself to those who never planned to give me the benefit of the doubt anyway! It’s so much easier letting God do all of that. If He required something of me, I would surely obey Him; but He has promised me that I can just forgive, and live my life in joy and freedom! That sounds so much more inviting, and in the meantime, I will keep pursuing Jesus; seeking to honor him, and let people know of his great love for all of us! 💙
      Love you, my precious sister in Christ! 😊

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    • Angela Royse Pelleman says:

      I LOVED your white lies post, Matthew! I agree that a white lie is still a lie. You’ve actually inspired me to write a post about white lies from my own life! I’m so glad to have your support and encouragement, and to be able to sit back and enjoy reading truth from your blog! Today I have shared one of your truth-filled posts about Forgiveness, at The Silver Lining Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/angelaslittleattic. I’m glad to have you as a brother in Christ! 💙

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    • Angela Royse Pelleman says:

      I love the post you linked to mine… excellent! The devil definitely tries to get Christians to gossip about other Christians by criticizing and condemning them. How sad! We need to recognize this is the work of the devil, and renounce it in Jesus’ name! Then we need to ask God to fill us with His Holy Spirit, so we can hear His Truth! 💙

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  1. Rita says:

    There is so much truth in this, I have experienced a turnaround in a few situations where I did not lash back, but prayed for someone and in the end, they actually became a friend, and came to me at some point of their lives…it is the power of God, powerfully written Angela, so much content and depth in it..Wow!

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  2. Vannette Hart says:

    Angela, thank you for your post, it was a very nice read. On October 24th, I was accused by a very close co-worker of mines, one day we were fine and then out of the blue she accused me of sharing her personal business with another co-worker, someone we both were not talking to. She said that it was something that she shared with ‘only’ me, at first she never said what is was I supposedly said. I said ‘what are you talking about’. That’s not true. I would never do that to you. I said I would put my hand on my Bible, because she knows I read it on the train with her in the morning. I was shocked, devastated, hurt and tried to explain that I would never do that to her. I expressed that we both share our personal business with each other so why would I do that to her. I asked this friend of mines to bring this person to me and I can bet that they can’t say, that in my face in front of you, that I said what they said I said. The friend ignored this request and wound up calling me a ‘b’ and said ‘naw that came from you’. I’ve been sick to my stomach, could not sleep and have been crying asked God ‘am I crazy’, I have two people saying I said something, when I know in my heart, I did not. I have been crying out to God asking him to help me with this heavy burden and this pain I have inside. I’ve been on my job for 21 years and I never have had anything like this happen to me and I can’t shake this sickness, I have went from being sick n depressed to being angry inside. What can I do. I had feelings of quitting my job and leaving so I don’t see these ladies anymore. I’ve been a Bible reader since I was 25 and feel weak n sad that after all these years I can’t cover myself with the right prayer. Please pray for me

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    • Angela Royse Pelleman says:

      Dear Vanette,
      Please forgive my very late reply. I have been ill and bed-ridden with migraines for some time. In the last week God has set me free! Therefore, Jesus is also hope for your very upsetting, very real, situation. I do have some answers for you, and I hope they bring you some comfort:
      First of all, let me say I believe you. But more importantly, God believes you. I have been where you are now, and I promise you it’s all for your good, even though it hurts. God loves us SO MUCH that He allows the ugly truth to come out for our own protection. In my case, I have had my own family members believe the lies of a narcissistic family member. But this encouraged me to seek God for answers, just as you are doing! God got me out of a dysfunctional family setting, and even though it hurt like crazy at first, God showed me that I was in a hopeless, depressed situation, because one family member has made it her mission to try and destroy my life. Guess what? It’s not worked by! God and I are closer than ever, and He has taught me so much truth that I would never have realized had I stayed blinded in that sad situation. The person who has tried to ruin my own life because she is so unhappy with her own, is a highly narcissistic, self-centered individual, just as your co-worker may be. I don’t like to label people, but we can read about narcissists and narcissism; and if people have these qualities, we are wise to avoid them. In your case, I believe God is showing you one queen bee narcissist, and several of her followers, who are cowardly backing her, simply because they don’t want the same thing to happen to them! That is fear. Fear doesn’t have authority over Christians. We can pray against fear and anything else, in the name of Jesus!
      As awful as you feel, look at what God is showing you! Any of these girls who are against you, are not your real friends. If one would sit down and truly listen to you and apologize, that would be different. These women are wolves. They are running with the pack; stay away!

      Secondly, I have been in your situation at church! At my own church! Some one lied about me, and betrayed me, and even admitted she was jealous of me! The Bible says, who can compete with jealousy? James 3:16 says, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” Because this woman at my church had a people pleasing, “sweet” nature, she was subtly able to draw pity from others, when I began to avoid her for valid reasons. I sat down three times with her to try and discuss the problems but she continued lying and denying, and acting spiteful and jealous. I forgave her, but I was done being friends. That’s creating a boundary. Most of the other women didn’t see what God had revealed to me about her. She pretended to be a good friend, but in reality she was not. She also talked about the other women. In fact, I heard them all talk about each other at some point! I didn’t want to be part of it. Our joint “friends” began to avoid me, or say things to me that showed they were angry with me. But you know what I found out? These “friends” had issues too, and they were uncomfortable with the truth. Just because they went to my church did not mean they were good friends for me to have. After all, everyone has some growing up to do in Christ! So I began to focus even more on my beloved family, and set up lunch and dinner and shopping dates with my friends outside of church who are my true friends… friends who enjoy hanging out with me as much as I enjoy hanging out with them. I’m so much happier now! I kept going to church to learn about Jesus, and just stopped doing the social stuff while things settled down. And guess what? Things did settle down. Many of the people involved left the church, including some wolves. Not all people are wolves; some are just blindly following the pack. We have to pray God will open their eyes to the truth. But in the end, God took care of it! As for the pieces yet unraveled, I have to trust that God will work those out for my good too.

      Thirdly, create boundaries! Boundary 1: Don’t share personal information! There are narcissists and gossips and liars everywhere. If you don’t share info, they might still make something up, but at least it won’t be from something you said. You can stand truthfully and say you never said that or talked to that particular person. ( like you are doing now!). Which brings me to the next boundary: Don’t engage with them at all! I know at work and church and school, we don’t always have a choice to completely avoid someone, but we can make our meeting short, to the point, and then exit. I know someone with a narcissistic personality who keeps asking me to meet with her. No. Not happening. I know she is fishing for info, so she can gossip. In fact, she hangs out with some of the wolves. Half of them are pretend “Christians.” No hanging out with, or sharing personal info with people at work. Or anyone for that matter, who has not proven herself to be the most loyal, trusted friend. No being friends with fake people. If they gossip TO you, they will gossip ABOUT you. No matter what you think!

      Fourthly, it WILL blow over! If they can’t have success with destroying you, they will find someone else. If you go about your business and ignore them, they will get bored. I bet you anything they are jealous of you for how you look, how you dress, your success on the job, attention from the boss, or anything or all of these!

      Lastly, forgive them in the name of Jesus (because we can’t forgive such awful behavior all by ourselves!) and ask God to reveal to you why this happened. I believe in time, you will see this situation differently and realize that God was protecting you from something or someone. Because God loves us SO MUCH, He will remove us from a toxic situation if we don’t see it. That’s what God did for me, more than once. Keep in mind that just because someone calls herself a “Christian” does not mean she really knows Jesus, and even if she does, she may need to grow in the area of gossip. Let gossips go, and ask Jesus to heal you, and fill you with His Holy Spirit. You asked about prayer coverage. I would pray The Lord’s Prayer to be in Matthew 6: 9-13, and I would always pray and renounce the spirit of Jezebel affecting your life, in Jesus’ name. That spirit is associated with narcissism, gossip, lies, and slander. Now that I am better, I will be writing more about toxic relationships and the Jezebel spirit, so make sure to follow me here on The Silver Lining at angelaslittleattic.com and subscribe. You can also join me on Facebook for even more daily support and encouragement at http://www.facebook.com/angelaslittleattic. Meanwhile you can click on the topic “narcissism” on my website, at https://angelaslittleattic.com/?s=Narcissism&submit=Search
      and you will learn so much more! I hope this encouraged you today! Thank you for writing to me. I’m going to use some of these tips for a future blog, and you are my inspiration! I will be praying for you, Vanette! May Jesus heal your hurting heart! I believed God is reaching out to you to teach you more. Ask Him what He wants you to learn. He will never let you down… God loves you! 💙

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