Narcissist is just a fancy word for an extremely self-centered person. Narcissism is a sin. A narcissist is so focused on self, there’s no room to consider others as separate individuals with their own thoughts and emotions. This spiritual issue has roots in bitterness, jealousy, and denial; which are also sins. Narcissism is so selfishly intent on getting its own way, that it is willing to gossip, lie, and slander its victim to the point of destroying someone’s life, all for the sake of keeping its reputation intact.
Narcissists destroy their victims, causing immense pain, with no empathy or regard for the lives they ruin, in order to keep up false appearances. Those who are not the chosen victims, are still negatively impacted by the narcissists. They are often completely unaware that they are being cruelly used by the narcissist, for the sole purpose of causing further trauma to the victim. Why don’t they realize this? There are many reasons. The narcissist’s helpers have been deceived: lied to, manipulated, fooled, and tricked into thinking the narcissist is someone completely different than he or she claims to be. A conniving narcissist often fools generations, and thousands of people.
If one grows up in a narcissistic household, the family members are trained to obey the narcissist’s every beck and call. If anyone rocks the boat, they risk a tantrum, and the narcissist will make that person pay. For most, it’s not worth the fear and anxiety. The family members learn to praise and go along with the narcissist, hoping to keep the “peace” and avoid becoming victims themselves. They join the narcissist in finding a scapegoat or two, victims made to look as if they are the problems in the family. But the truth is, the narcissist is projecting, transferring, and placing blame onto the victim in an attempt to hide his or her own inadequacies and ugly, dysfunctional secrets.
Those who aren’t scapegoats, either learn to stay away from the home, or they join hands with the narcissist, hoping to please them to dodge their wrath, and stay under the radar. Though this seems ideal, in a sense, the other family members are victims too. They aren’t allowed to be themselves either. The entire family’s lives are centered around the narcissist. Family members lose their sense of self and find themselves left alone with broken dreams, wondering where their lost years have gone, and why their vivacious personalities have disappeared.
Over the years, victims of narcissism find themselves shackled in chains of rejection, anger, despair, abandonment, fear, anxiety, self-condemnation, guilt, worthlessness, and the isolation that comes with abuse. In addition, victims are plagued by lies that they are have been taught to believe about themselves. The devil convinces them that the lies are true, because he wants to destroy people and relationships. Though these lies are powerful, they can’t even begin to compare to the power and authority given to us through Jesus Christ. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (Jn. 10:10 New International Version).
Prayer, bible reading, and knowing who you are in Christ, is the beginning of the painful battle. But it’s a battle worth fighting, and God promises victory. The bible itself is a weapon, and God prepares us for war. We are not fighting flesh and blood. We are fighting a spiritual battle. Ephesians, chapter 6, outlines God’s battle plan. This topic will be covered in a separate blog post, but you can get a head start by reading your bible and praying to Jesus. Prayer is the most powerful weapon on earth; it goes beyond outer space and into the Heavens where God hears your pleas for help!
I’m just one person, out of many, who has experienced severe pain as if it was a constant, unwanted companion. But, I’m also a child of God who loves Jesus. I have been so blessed to receive the help and validation I so desperately needed. I pursued Jesus, and he pulled me out of the deep dark pit of depression and despair caused by narcissistic abuse.
Pain’s value, is that it helps us to understand compassion. It gives us the ability to empathize, something a narcissist is unable to do (though he or she may be able to pretend). Pain is also part of suffering with Jesus, but it’s temporary, and we get to share in the joys of eternal life with Jesus too! “Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Rom. 8:17).
Jesus knows and cares about how many tears you’ve shed. He cares about the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual pain you’ve endured. The silver lining is that he loves you so much he endured far worse, when he allowed himself to be nailed to the cross for our sins. He died for you, me, narcissists, and everyone else in the whole world. All we need to do is believe on his holy name, and invite him into our hearts. He will erase our sins, wipe away our tears, and take away our pain. One day we will live with him eternally, and we will never remember or experience any pain again!
But what about now? What about the pain we experience on earth? Jesus wants to take care of that too. “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Pet. 5:10). Give your pain to Jesus. He wants to take it from you. He already sacrificed his life for you. Let him take you into his loving arms.